Monthly Archives: October 2012

Gingerbread Oreos Review

Poor, poor gingerbread men.  For years they’ve dreaded the holiday seasons, being warmly crafted and immaculately detailed only to become someone’s afterthought for dessert.  What’s more is that no one cares about gingerbread men.  Not because they aren’t adorable or don’t appear delectable, but because they just don’t taste that great compared to its seasonal siblings.  In a world where chocolate and pumpkin are the turkeys and steaks of dessert, gingerbread men are the bland, forgetful pork chops.

But some still mourn and decry the deformation of gingerbread men.  We all know they love the taste, but the very idea and essence of eating an inanimate object is downright ruthless.  Fear thee not this year, gingerbread rights activists, for Nabisco has come to ease the pain with the Gingerbread Oreos.

It’s odd we’re not being treated to a Pumpkin Oreo variety, given all the incarnations and resurgences we’ve already been bombarded with.  But unlike political ads and campaigns, most people don’t mind it.  Seems no one thought to litter dead horses on the beaten path.

I for one am glad Nabisco have swayed away from the latter, yet they also worry me.  If Gingerbread Oreos are supposed to eliminate the guilt of amputating gingerbread men then they’ve succeeded, but only partially.  For starters, we now have gingerbread flavoring in a processed creme between two cookies.  And just to ensure us of their underlying sadism, Nabisco have inserted a smiling gingerbread man on the cover.  I don’t think he’s emoting happiness.

Unlike the Candy Corn Oreos, these babies don’t puff their souls out like a collection of chain smokers.  After a few seconds the scent of ginger does begin to linger about and mildly tease, which is more than what I can say for all those shades of brown.  The gingerbread man’s wife must have had some deep, dark (brown) secrets.

Peeling a cookie off the creme isn’t terribly difficult, so quadruple stuffing them won’t be much of a challenge, assuming that’s your style.  I can’t say the same for the peel off packaging, which all but left my cookies sucking in the air of staleness.  But enough future worries, it’s time to sink my teeth into the last bit of soul these gingerbread men have.

Since the nutrition facts replicate Candy Corn Oreos, I’m underwhelmed.  Gingerbread might be the less accessible sibling to vanilla with its inoffensive blandness, but the creme and cookies just don’t come together for an enjoyable experience.  I’m sorry, but for an Oreo to be not but a bore is a serious crime.  Even licking the creme off a cookie isn’t enjoyable.  Doing so is more of an exercise, because the creme is so stiff and processed that it might just stir up a less than pleasant memory for older men.  What I do like is that the ginger does at least come through, despite two boring goldies diluting an already dull flavor.  And that’s just the problem: The ginger flavor isn’t prominent enough which, combined with two cookies that aren’t working any “mmmhmmm” magic, creates for a dismal experience.  Like their colors, gingerbread Oreos prove themselves to be the pork chop stuck between sides of mashed potatoes (without gravy, I might add).

But why should I settle for something unfulfilling?  I want to offer a swing no one else would think of, something I’m sure Epic Meal Time would cringe at.  Then I remember i still have a package of Candy Corn Oreos lying around.  The time has come for my Triple Double initiation.

If you thought (more) water did nothing to your vodka, you haven’t experienced anything yet.  The Candy Corn creme completely dominates the gingerbread cream.  I might as well make a quadruple stuffed Candy Corn Oreo while I’m at it.  But that will have to wait until after I call the hospital, due in part to my inevitable heart attack.

In Short: Even gingerbread purists will likely have a tough time savoring this latest Oreo batch.

Nutritional Info

Serving Size: 2 cookies
Calories: 150 (60 from fat)
Total Fat: 7 grams (2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat)
Cholesterol: 0 milligrams
Sodium: 80 milligrams
Potassium: 15 milligrams
Total Carbohydrates: 21 gams (0 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugar)
Protein: Less than 1 gram


Posted by on October 31, 2012 in Uncategorized


Weekly Stumblings (10/29)

Mondays are lame.  Stumbles are awesome.  So is cool, windy weather in Florida just in time for Halloween.

Funny Philosophy Quotes:

10 Rules of Boozing:


Do You Like Cake:

Cat Versus The Internet (aka My Life):

Irish Car Bomb Cupcakes:

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Posted by on October 29, 2012 in Blog


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Epic Movie Scenes: Final Rap Battle/B-Rabbit vs. Papa Doc (8 Mile)

There comes a time we all step outside our comfort zone.  4-5 months ago, I gave in to a more drunk-induced tone.  No, I’m not out and about drinking jet fuel on the clock (yet), but a couple White Russians and Flying Grasshoppers aren’t a bad way to make you forget, least of all those horse piss drinks everyone calls beer.  Likewise there’s a movie featuring the good ol’ Slim Shady that pleasingly takes me out of my heavy metal comfort zone.  Linkin Park posers aside, we metal fans like crap-rap being kept out of our credible metal.  Go figure then that 8 Mile, a movie high on character and low in style, frequently turns out to be worth my while.

And while we’re at it, let’s talk about that final rap battle, damn it!  At this point the chips are down and our buddy B-Rabbit has been made out like a clown.  Crap has hit both the floor and the ceiling, so now he’s ready to rap down the door with so much pure feeling.  If my rhymes are sounding forced at this point, do us all a favor: Relax and take up a joint.  Drugs, violence, alcohol, to those upper-class slugs it’s all same while they stand and talk all tall.  Take it from me, at this point in the movie, cheesy sounds quite breezy.  So don’t let your superior, cynical and critical self turn you away and move the movie off your shelf.  Suck it up and enjoy the moment like anyone wasting two whole precious hours.  And if my sad attempts at rhyme and rhythm aren’t enough to influence your curriculum for the day then maybe a blunt, simple “**** it” will do.

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Posted by on October 25, 2012 in Blog, Film, Movies


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Weekly Stumblings (10/22)

Nothing quite like some awesome web pages to enjoy after a rowdy Monday.

Irish Car Bomb Cupcakes:

25 Inspiring Stories:

14 Actors Acting:

All the More Reason to Avoid the Drive-Thru:

Map of Metal:

Ten Revealing Psych Experiments:

Several Stories to Make You Think:

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Posted by on October 22, 2012 in Blog, Uncategorized


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Argo (2012) Review

The common verdict seems to be that Ben Affleck is now three-for-three with his directorial efforts.  Though I can’t speak for Gone Baby Gone, The Town is definitely one of my top picks from 2010 and a personal favorite.  Now imagine my excitement when, a website every bit as informative as they are off in their verdicts of new releases, gave the film a perfect 10.  Between that and some equally impressed reviews from other everyday reviewers I (don’t) know and trust and we have an excited little boy biking to his local theater.

Argo sets the stage with a brief but encompassing introduction so you’re not totally lost when going in.  I say this because, like so many other Oscar-hyped films, I was probably the only person in my theater under 60 years of age.  You have any idea how awkward and alienating it is to be the 22 year-old in that situation?  It’s weird as hell.

After our informal introduction things kick into gear with protesting in the streets which essentially leads to six people hiding in Iran with a Canadian.  And South Park would have you believe Canada have done nothing important; Matt and Trey might need a new history book for an upcoming apology episode.  Cut to America and we have Ben Affleck playing Tony Mendez, who gets the brilliant bad idea to make a fake movie so the six escapees can, well, escape.  Again.

This is a movie that almost comes off like you need to pay more attention to it than is necessary.  The film is fundamentally a suspense thriller with the occasional political and social commentary.  But if that’s not your thing PLEASE don’t be turned off, because these are more supplementary to the plot at-hand.  To that degree this is a very solid film, one that knows when to step outside of the story and when to return.  Tension rides high, much like The Town, and the climax definitely keeps you on-edge.  Characters are also detailed to just the right degree which, given the two-hour runtime, is saying quite a lot when you have almost a dozen people to follow.  The real standouts, however, are Ben Affleck and the irresistibly entertaining Alan Arkin, who almost feels like stark contrasts of each other.

Now there has been A LOT of Oscar hype behind this movie with critical acclaim to boot.  As you can tell, I’m definitely in the fan crowd for this movie.  But as far as being the best movie of the year I have to raise up my hands and say “whoa, let’s back up for a moment.”  Argo is definitely another strong offering for 2012 and proof that this has been a fantastic year for film, but I wouldn’t say it’s contending for my Top Film spot of 2012.  Heck, I wouldn’t even place it on-par with The Town.  Like I said, this is solid, satisfying entertainment in the way a more or less gritty suspense film should be.  Definitely well made and a Best Director nomination should at least be a guarantee here.  Just don’t expect this to crack my Top 5 of the year if the movies I still haven’t seen are as good as I expect.

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Posted by on October 17, 2012 in Blog, Film, Film Review, Movie Review, Movies, Review


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Weekly Stumblings (10/15)

Monday got you down?  No matter, I’m here to bring you back up.  And to remind you that nighttime shifts are worse than daytime shifts.

101 Awesome Short Stories:

Shakespeare Insult Kit:

Harry Potter Comics:

Rules That Guys Wish Girls Knew (with some exceptions):

Portal Christmas Tree:

3D without a 3D Screen:

Adult Jokes in Kids Cartoons:

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Posted by on October 15, 2012 in Blog


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The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) Review

Nostalgia’s a real tough bitch to calm.  No matter how deep down in the landfills the past gets, we seem preset to look back on it as a beautiful night of snowfall.  The only problem is that that those snowflakes bring frigid air and terrible living conditions with them.  Hardly a reconcilable trade-off.

But like an ever-traditional opening to a pathetically sarcastic-yet-serious article, my point is that some of us wish the past could be relived.  This exact feeling is what drove home the Chbosky novel-turned-film The Perks of Being a Wallflower for me.  A tale of a high school freshman meets high school seniors (we all know how probable that is), the film wastes literally no time assuring us this isn’t another shallow attempt at coming of age.  Rather, with a proper use of narration to show and tell us what’s going on–as well as what formerly happened, we’re taken on a gradual journey that refuses to let go.

It might seem a crazy comparison, but I’d group The Perks of Being a Wallflower with films like Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy in that there comes a point you just don’t want it to end.  Instead of making your viewing a visit, you want it to be a permanent stay.  Exactly like those twisted lies that are your memories.  Speaking of which, without specifically giving anything away, this becomes a bit of a recurring theme, though not initially in the way the film lets on.

The characters here are about as authentic as they can get, nailing all sorts of personality types and (not so) general cutouts.  Looking back, it’s a movie I’m not quite sure which character I liked the most.  I mean yeah, I know which two I identify with the most, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re the best characters, per se.  And this is just part of what makes the film so strong, resonate and memorable.  That is, there’s always someone to root for and think about from more than just an observational standpoint.  It’s also proof that not all young people are thin-layered embodiments of stereotypes; most people aren’t.  This film, much like a (good) John Hughes picture, does justice to the conflicts of the more inexperienced but equally human individuals.


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