Poor, poor gingerbread men. For years they’ve dreaded the holiday seasons, being warmly crafted and immaculately detailed only to become someone’s afterthought for dessert. What’s more is that no one cares about gingerbread men. Not because they aren’t adorable or don’t appear delectable, but because they just don’t taste that great compared to its seasonal siblings. In a world where chocolate and pumpkin are the turkeys and steaks of dessert, gingerbread men are the bland, forgetful pork chops.
But some still mourn and decry the deformation of gingerbread men. We all know they love the taste, but the very idea and essence of eating an inanimate object is downright ruthless. Fear thee not this year, gingerbread rights activists, for Nabisco has come to ease the pain with the Gingerbread Oreos.
It’s odd we’re not being treated to a Pumpkin Oreo variety, given all the incarnations and resurgences we’ve already been bombarded with. But unlike political ads and campaigns, most people don’t mind it. Seems no one thought to litter dead horses on the beaten path.
I for one am glad Nabisco have swayed away from the latter, yet they also worry me. If Gingerbread Oreos are supposed to eliminate the guilt of amputating gingerbread men then they’ve succeeded, but only partially. For starters, we now have gingerbread flavoring in a processed creme between two cookies. And just to ensure us of their underlying sadism, Nabisco have inserted a smiling gingerbread man on the cover. I don’t think he’s emoting happiness.
Unlike the Candy Corn Oreos, these babies don’t puff their souls out like a collection of chain smokers. After a few seconds the scent of ginger does begin to linger about and mildly tease, which is more than what I can say for all those shades of brown. The gingerbread man’s wife must have had some deep, dark (brown) secrets.
Peeling a cookie off the creme isn’t terribly difficult, so quadruple stuffing them won’t be much of a challenge, assuming that’s your style. I can’t say the same for the peel off packaging, which all but left my cookies sucking in the air of staleness. But enough future worries, it’s time to sink my teeth into the last bit of soul these gingerbread men have.
Since the nutrition facts replicate Candy Corn Oreos, I’m underwhelmed. Gingerbread might be the less accessible sibling to vanilla with its inoffensive blandness, but the creme and cookies just don’t come together for an enjoyable experience. I’m sorry, but for an Oreo to be not but a bore is a serious crime. Even licking the creme off a cookie isn’t enjoyable. Doing so is more of an exercise, because the creme is so stiff and processed that it might just stir up a less than pleasant memory for older men. What I do like is that the ginger does at least come through, despite two boring goldies diluting an already dull flavor. And that’s just the problem: The ginger flavor isn’t prominent enough which, combined with two cookies that aren’t working any “mmmhmmm” magic, creates for a dismal experience. Like their colors, gingerbread Oreos prove themselves to be the pork chop stuck between sides of mashed potatoes (without gravy, I might add).
But why should I settle for something unfulfilling? I want to offer a swing no one else would think of, something I’m sure Epic Meal Time would cringe at. Then I remember i still have a package of Candy Corn Oreos lying around. The time has come for my Triple Double initiation.
If you thought (more) water did nothing to your vodka, you haven’t experienced anything yet. The Candy Corn creme completely dominates the gingerbread cream. I might as well make a quadruple stuffed Candy Corn Oreo while I’m at it. But that will have to wait until after I call the hospital, due in part to my inevitable heart attack.
In Short: Even gingerbread purists will likely have a tough time savoring this latest Oreo batch.
Serving Size: 2 cookies
Calories: 150 (60 from fat)
Total Fat: 7 grams (2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat)
Cholesterol: 0 milligrams
Sodium: 80 milligrams
Potassium: 15 milligrams
Total Carbohydrates: 21 gams (0 grams of dietary fiber, 12 grams of sugar)
Protein: Less than 1 gram